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by GT Jones |
It becomes so clear when the buses arrive and our first guests step into camp. So desperate to save themselves and still so desperate for one another. I can see my past, I remember it, spinning about, wondering if I'd made the right choice, wondering if things really were that bad, wondering if I really was so different than everyone else. They look at each other for comfort, not at us. That should tell them everything they need to know. But times like this are never so simple. They are only clear to someone that has lived through it like me. Their weakness gives me my strength. I had my session with Elder Roy. He poured me some tea. "I've helped others with symptoms far worse than yours. Remember Jerry, the one that exposed himself every time he saw unfolded socks?" I did. He eventually left the camp for the san Fernando Valley. "And Jessica?" She set the women's kitchen on fire as a diversion to climb the fence between the two camps. She also got pregnant by one of our camp participants. "I'd say yours is pretty mellow compared to theirs." He comforted me. "Your condition is only a symptom of my commitment." Elder Roy believes it is latent desires that still need to be shook out. The last step, he said. He ran down his clipboard. "No urges to start fires?" "Of course not." "No rubbing behaviors?" "Like what?" "Against rugs, trees. Excessive shaking at the toilet?" "Nothing like that." "Any contact with old partners, your ex wife?" "No." I blushed and looked down to hide it. You just weren't meant to be married. She said. "I did everything you asked." You did more than I needed. That's what she said on the phone. |